Tuesday, 12 April 2011
tuesday blues (and a bit of hope)
My hands shake when I'm upset these days. Upset or nervous or sad or anxious or just in need of some kind of reassurance. Generally the fits last for most of a day and they tend to make me feel even worse. Sometimes the shaking spreads, making my teeth chatter and my throat feel thick with impending tears.
So my hands shake in my lap and they shake around my pencil and I clench them into fists to make it stop. And I try to laugh it off and complain about it but really I'm just terrified, because it's scary to see your feelings manifest themselves in something so physical.
But then there are friends to hold my hands still and to hug me close. There are hopeful text messages and a bit of wan sunshine. And gradually it eases. The knots I've twisted myself into begin to unkink. I spread my fingers out in front of me against the spring wind and I can hold them still again. And I breathe out and close my eyes.